Skip to main content

RIP Cory


Cory Monteith is dead. I have watched Glee (many times – I own every episode on DVD) from episode one, season one. I saw/swooned over Finn Hudson singing in the shower and marvelled at how he fell in love with Rachel and wished they would never break up. Just like every other teenage girl on the planet.

I loved the character he played for so many reasons: his cute smile, his naivety, and his good, clean, down-to-earth American guy-ness. He was just so perfect. And then along came Rachel Berry and the two seemed to make such a cute couple: it just worked for me and all my girly whims. So I guess we have had a relationship for about three years. Ups and downs, etc etc. But now he is dead. And the reason he died, a heroin/alcohol related tragedy was like a hammer to my head.

Cory and heroin? You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

He just wasn’t 'the type.'

But then I remembered a friend of mine who overdosed on heroin while I was at university. I never even knew he was using drugs until he was admitted to hospital in a nearly-dead state. We had had dinner together just the week before and he seemed absolutely fine. This was someone I actually knew. Someone I had known for almost a decade. As in, we were friends. Not just a television character. And then I realised. How well can we possibly ever know anyone? If they choose to keep a secret that deep and that serious to themselves, what will eventually expose the truth, if anything?

Some people don’t share their lives easily. Just this morning I was talking with a group of girls and openly discussing some fairly personal issues. Nothing too hectic, but still, there was one woman present I had never even met. I later realised that I had perhaps ‘overshared.’ But I have, perhaps mistakenly, never seen this as a bad thing. I like to think, again, perhaps mistakenly, that people generally know where they stand with me. I’m a ‘wear-your-heart-on-my-sleeve-kinda-gal.’

But Cory, and by that same measure, my friend too, play behind a façade. They had a double agenda; a double persona, if you will. There’s the side you see, and then the side you don’t. I don’t know how healthy that is in the long run. For Cory, it certainly didn’t work out.

Look at me, calling him Cory as if we knew one another on a first name basis! 

Mr Monteith lived a life of duplicity and it eventually caught up with him. How damn sad. The Google images attached to the search “RIP CORY MONTEITH” have cliché’d slogans attached to them, like “You saved our life, but we couldn’t save yours,” and sad scenes from the break up between Finn and Rachel, with finality notes attached to them. It’s quite macabre. But I guess, his fans, people who feel they know him, need to express their loss. I haven’t gone that far. But then, there is this blog. Ironically, my friend who od’d did save my life. Maybe I should make some kind of tribute picture for him? Is this what we’re doing now?

I wonder, had he lived, if Cory would ever have been open about his illness, the addiction, I mean. I wonder if he would have married Lea Michele or moved on at a later stage to someone else. Perhaps even another Glee co-star? I wonder if his new movie, (McCanick,) is going to be a hit or a miss, and whether the fact that he died of a heroin overdose after acting in a film as a ex-heroin addict is going to help sell tickets at box office. I wonder if he would have been more honest about who he was, how he felt and where he wanted to be in the world, had he survived.

His professional acting aside, I wonder, if one has started living a life of such duplicity, such apparent duality, you can ever become a straight shooter again. And I don’t mean that he could never be clean, (because I have seen addicts healed,) just of personality that is always a little more guarded and somewhat misleading. Surely a leopard stays a leopard?

As a person who is often accused of over-investing in relationships and over-sharing personal information, it would be very hard for me to change my spots. But maybe people who like to play their cards closer to their chest, find my manner of approach a bit brazen. Who knows?

I'm going to miss Cory Monteith. I hear the writers of the show have decided to leave the question of Finn Hudson’s death up to the audience, but they will let him ‘die’ in Glee too. There is going to be a special tribute episode to him. I know I will bawl for the entire forty minutes or so. My heart, (and thousands of others,) will ache as if I/we knew him, as if he were real, as if he were my/our friend; when in fact, I didn’t know him at all.

It’s the first time, since Freddy Mercury, River Pheonix and Kurt Cobain died, that I actually feel sad about a celebrity death. Like it really is a waste. Had my friend died on the night he od’d, I would probably still be in mourning, over a decade later. Part of the mourning would be from the absolute shock of discovering his secret dependence. Part of it also smarting from a friendship based on a lie. But the largest part, would be the sadness at the future lost.

And I think that is what resonates with me about Mr Monteith. It’s all the ‘what ifs?’ and the ‘could of’s’ because he was so young, at only thirty one years old. But also because he seemed so genuine. A photograph of him as a ‘Basketball Diaries’ type of character – wasted and dirty and lost - is yet to emerge; a seedy secret about him is yet to be exploited. From what we know, he just seemed so, well, so great.

I guess my point is, unless someone is willing to share with you their true self, how well will you ever really know them? Finding out that someone you admired/cared about/loved has lied to you, well that just sucks. As a fan, a serious Gleek, there’s a huge part of me that is so cross with Mr Monteith for letting it come to this end that I would just smack him if I could. But then the part of me that’s so sad at losing him speaks up and says, ‘Be still, heart, your friend is no more.’ And as lame as it sounds, I have to say, with an honest sigh, along with all other Gleeks out there: Goodbye, Cory.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Fear Shaming in a World Unknown

It’s okay to be a contradiction. It doesn’t mean you’re a hypocrite, it only means that you are human. Life is not always only black and white and you have to choose one not both. There are, in fact very few instances in life where you have to only be one thing. It’s okay to be afraid right now, while not ‘living in fear.’ Having fear is not the same as living in it. One is okay, the other is crippling. In the wave of Corona panic, I have been accused of living in fear. The supposed symptoms: -I’ve opted for semi-seclusion. -I’ve had no (unusual or unnecessary or large) social gatherings with friends or family -I’ve conducted all (but one) meetings online -I’m checking the temperature for anyone who sets foot in my home - I own about six masks and wear them whenever I am with a person not immediately related to me. Including in my own home. Yet, my children are at school. I go grocery shopping. I’ve seen my parents. Contradiction? I guess. As more of a contradiction, I've had enorm

13 Reasons why '13 Reasons Why' left me Cold - But I couldn't stop watching

If you haven't seen it yet, be warned, '13 Reasons Why' (on Netflix) is not for the faint hearted. It hurts your eyes with gratuitous violence at times. The language is supremely foul. But the story line is both heart wrenching and gripping. The premise of a high school girl committing suicide and leaving behind thirteen guilt-soaked cassette tapes to explain her death is harrowing in itself. The lives that are affected by the contents of these tapes and the enormous ripple effect is where the story develops it's gravitas and universality. 13 Reasons Why on Netflix (Season 1)  Of course, I had to watch it. But it left me cold and here are my thirteen reasons why. 1. It was like watching my high school career all over again I didn't deal with the "big" issues in 13 Reasons. I wasn't raped, for example. But I would be lying if I said I hadn't faced some of the issues that are dealt with in the show. I faced many of them. As did many other pupils I

What I didn’t know Crossfit taught me until I gave it up

I know the jury is out on Crossfit and the long-term benefits or detriment to our health. That’s not what I want to talk about now, at all.   I started Crossfit to support a friend who was starting her own gym. That was my only reason. I had never imagined myself lifting weights and certainly had no aspiration to do a box-jump.   I didn’t know what I was signing up for, in all honesty.   But I'm stubborn as heck and when my cash is on the table, I am all-in. I outlasted most of the girls who joined our “yummy-mummy” class. And then some. I kept going when my friend sold her then, fully established gym, to a new lovely owner. I kept going right up until I was eight and a half months pregnant. I loved it.   Unfortunately, my shirts stopped fitting over my arms. And I found fitting in a rigorous schedule around three kids impossible. But I have full respect for the concept and loved my four years or so of being able to lift, jump, pull, squat and lunge.   It was only after baby number